Coming to Terms
by black widow mistress
Summary: "Why did you cheat Kenz? What did I do so wrong the last time?" he asked his voice low and gravelly, the only sign he was showing any emotion about this, that he was still hurt. One shot.


Oooh II wrote fic and the wonderful Shannen (shan14, seriously go read her stories, they are beautifully amazing) Beta'd it for me - because she is totally awesome like that - As always I own nothing, I just have this total love of the characters and therefore I created a story. Reviews are loved. Enjoy!

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"Why?" he asked her, his voice rough from emotion and the years of smoking. He hadn't planned on asking her tonight – bombarding her – but they'd been together for months now, five if he was correct and he needed to know.

"Why what?" she asked looking up, her reading glasses slipping down her nose as she closed the book she was holding and put it down on top of her laptop on the bedside table.

Will looked at nervously before replying. "Why did you cheat Kenz? What did I do so wrong the last time?" he asked his voice low and gravelly, the only sign he was showing any emotion about this, that he was still hurt.

Mackenzie sighed before smiling weakly, "Oh Billy, you didn't do anything wrong at all. It was me, I was stupid, I got scared and confused and I wrecked it all," she said, a frown forming on her lips. Why was she so nervous, she wondered, she'd wanted this moment since she walked back into his life, back into his career. _Since she touched down in New York to be totally true. _

Will nodded, his hand reaching out to touch hers and tangling his fingers with hers, a small smile appearing on her lips only to be quickly chased away by the fact that she'd once been stupid enough to doubt this. Doubt him. Doubt them.

"Why?" He asked again, his voice a little softer than before.

Mackenzie took a deep breath before she spoke, her heart beating fast and her stomach twisting in an odd way she could only call nerves. This was the conversation that would make or break them forever and if she was totally honest, she wasn't exactly sure she was prepared to lose him a second time around. _Lose him. _The words run through her mind, she'd have to see how it panned out and hope he understood.

"At first it was purely innocent – you have to know that Billy - I never intended to sleep with him, hell I only slept with him twice in those four months and they were two of my biggest mistakes. I wanted to so badly _know_ I was in love with you but then I started to get nervous, what if I wasn't in love with you – what if somewhere down the path I found out I wasn't and we were married, what if we didn't work together? I got worried and confused," she said, her lips curved into a frown and her eyes starting to well with tears that she desperately tried to keep at bay. She'd spent night after night staring out into the expanse of Manhattan that was before her and wondering exactly what had driven her to do it.

Will nodded, unsure of what to say, the fact that she hadn't consciously spent four months sleeping with her ex boyfriend gave him a little bit more heart, but she'd still cheated on him – spent nights _with _Brian with the intention of a sexual encounter and even if they hadn't happened there was still the fact that they had been intended.

"I never meant to sleep with him, it just happened, soon the phone calls that ended in me there for some drinks and a chat turned into him telling me he missed me and in some small way I think I missed him too and then I slept with him," she continued.

Mackenzie worried her lip with her tooth, her cheeks tear stained and her breathing heavy as she tried to calm herself down. "It happened twice and by the end I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because I knew I'd lose you when I told you, and more to the fact I realised I loved you, because you stood by me and didn't dump me," she laughed bitterly, her hands wiping at her eyes trying to rid them of the tears. "I fucked up Billy, I needed validation from a man that couldn't give a shit what happened and I wrecked the most perfect thing I'd ever had," she said, the tears falling in a quick succession down her cheeks.

"How many times did he call?" Will asked slightly puzzled and angry at himself for not listening to her the first time around.

"Three times over the four months," she whispered in a voice raspy from the tears. "I'm so sorry," she whispered again.

Will looked at her, his mouth slightly opened unsure what to say. She hadn't continuously spent four months with Bryan? It hadn't all been about sex, he'd been wrong.

"What was in the emails you sent me that I never read?" he asked thinking about the numerous emails that filled up the folder 'Unread emails' - the emails from _her. _

Mackenzie smiled a small smile and shook her head. "Everything I just told you, plus me begging you to let me explain what happened, explain that I loved you and I never meant to hurt you, that you're the perfect guy, you're my perfect guy," she said, her words full of emotion as she waited for it all to hit him; waited for him to once again tell her to get out of his apartment, say he never wanted to see her again, to see the pain in his eyes - but all she saw was something she couldn't pinpoint.

"When was the second time?" Will asked; his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to piece it altogether.

"That same night, that same night I slept with him the first time, the same night I realised he was a complete wanker and you were it for me, that I'd never find anyone else like you," she said brokenly.

Will stared at her for a moment, willing his eyes to focus on her face as she sat there on the end of his bed in a tank top and pants, her cheeks tear stained and her eyes red. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel, but he was pretty sure that the sudden ache in his chest meant he was feeling bad over the fact he hadn't let her explain. That he'd told her to get out, given her, her marching orders and never listened to anything but _'I'm sorry Billy, I cheated on you'. _Never gave her a chance to explain.

Will looked at her for a moment in silence before speaking, his voice low and full of emotion. "So, you didn't sleep with him for four continuous months?"

"Oh, fuck no; I think in some way I just wanted to feel accepted by him again – god knows why – and I wasn't sure what I felt for you and I fucked it all up!"

She laughed through the tears as she stood up off the bed and wandered across to the windows to look outside. "I fucked up big time," she murmured as she stared out at the skyline. "All because I was too stupid to see that what I had was good," she whispered in a lower voice, her fingers reaching out to touch the glass.

Will followed after a moment, one hand reaching to grab hers and the other going around her waist as he pulled her to him. "I was at fault too, you said it that first day you came back, I shared blame and it wasn't solely your fault," he said, his head resting on her shoulder as he held her to him.

"Yeah, but you didn't deserve this," she murmured as they both looked out at the skyline, the skyline she'd once loved so much as they'd fall asleep, curled up together staring out at the lights. It was a stark difference to the suburbs in England, but it was where she felt at home.

Will was silent for a moment, a moment that felt like forever to Mackenzie as they stared out into the streets below, a small smile tugged at her

"We're supposed to be serious with this," she said causing him to grin.

"I hurt you too Kenz, I rubbed everything I could in your face when you came back, something about not being able to forgive you because of my past and betrayal. I rubbed the ring in your face, which; I think while we're here I should admit something about that," he said causing her to turn around and look at him with an arched eyebrow, her hands reaching to remove her reading glasses as he continued to speak. "I didn't buy it when we were together," he said causing her to open her eyes wider and a fresh wave of tears to form in her eyes. _Fuck this emotional stuff; _she thought to herself as she listened to his voice continue. "I bought it that same week as when I showed it to you. I never bought it when we were together," he said watching as she glared at him momentarily before her fist collided with his chest.

"You fucking arse!" she said as she hit him again and again with her fists as she had with the magazine when he'd woken in the hospital.

Mackenzie stopped for a moment and looked at him, her teeth pulling her bottom lip as she thought about what this meant. "Where you going to leave for LA, when we were together?" she demanded, her shoulders squared in a way Will knew meant that if he said the wrong thing there was a chance she'd grab the laptop sitting not five meters away and smack him with that - and that was not something he wanted to experience.

Will shook his head, he'd never intended to take that job at all, he knew it wasn't as good as what he had going for him in New York and if he was totally honest, he hadn't wanted to leave her. "No," he said softly letting her process it all, her eyes red and tear tracks showing on her cheeks as she tried to compose herself.

"You arse! I honestly thought you had bought that ring when we were together and now you tell me you bought it a _week _before we went digging into your past history? Dammit Will! I know I hurt you but that was a fucking low blow!" she said as she stared at him and he couldn't help but grin. She'd always been cute when she was angry or upset, it meant she was passionate about something – which was what he loved about her the most – the fire she had that led her to follow what she wanted.

"Yeah, I know. Habbib said something about me wanting to hurt you instead of forgiving you," he shrugged causing her to glare at him even more.

"Why are you grinning?" She asked.

"Because you look cute when you're angry and flustered," he replied.

A smile tugged at her mouth as he said it. He'd told her it before when they'd had fights years ago and she always had a hard time staying mad at him.

"Did you return it?" she asked, hoping the answer was in the negative but trying to prepare herself in case he said the opposite.

"No, I ripped up the receipt that night," he murmured as he moved slightly closer to her. "I know it sounds stupid, I just wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me," he said in a voice she knew all too well, the one that was broken and emotional and so not the normal Will McAvoy.

She nodded before looking him in the eyes, "I know Billy, I know," she said as she wrapped her arms around his body and held him close, his hands gripping her back as she buried her face in his shoulder and smiled.

"You're still an arse," she said softly as she looked at him.

"I know, but I love you," he said grinning softly at her.

Mackenzie grinned as she leant up to kiss him softly on the lips. "I love you too," she said, sighing as she deepened the kiss, her hands making their way to his neck as he gripped her hips and moved her to the bed.

"Wait," she said causing him to look at her with confusion.

"What?" he asked hesitantly.

"Are we about to have make up sex? Or break up sex?" she asked causing him to shake his head and kiss her again.

"Make up sex definitely," he murmured as he maneuvered her to the bed, his fingers playing with the bare expanse of her back. "Definitely make up sex," he added once more.

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I did contemplate carrying it on into the M - rated area, but ugh another time, anyway, reviews are loved and I hope you enjoyed it! :)


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